The Lady who wouldn’t Stop Singing (

I was driving along route 2 from New Hampshire to Maine when I saw this old lady hitchhiking. Well, it was cold outside, much too cold to see a lady of this age out there hitchhiking, so obviously I picked her up. I asked her where she was going, but she just gazed ahead without reply.

I didn't know what to make of her. Why was she out there hitchhiking in the cold weather like this? And why wouldn't she answer my questions when I asked who she was and where she was going? There was something strange about this woman, but I had no idea how strange at the moment.

I judge the lady to be in her 90s, perhaps around 92 years old would be my guess. She was wearing a sporty red pea coat, and some stylish glasses that you would often see a teenager wear. She had a hipster style hearing aid in her left ear, which made me think she may have been a product of the 1960 hippie age. Her gray hair mixed in with the darker roots, led me to believe she may even have had children that had caused her much distress in her life.

She was clearly one cool cat, so why wouldn't she talk? Had some trauma overtaken her and caused her to retreat within her own mind? These were the things that I was contemplating when all of a sudden things changed. She broke out into song. Without any prompting, without any notice, she just simply began to sing.

First, she began to sing about flirting with dolls. What was that all about?

I had no idea what she was talking about. It sounded a little kinky to me, but anyway, I let it go because she was a guest in my car. I just quietly continued to drive and let her do her thing.

I had hoped that she would stop me if I got to her destination, or at least inform which way to turn if she needed to go down some street to her home. But she gave me no indication. All she did was continue to sing.

Then she began to sing about wishing that she was single again. About how she was married to some other lady at one point, I guess, and now she wishes that she was single? Something about how she didn't have enough money in her pocket now, so she liked it when she was single and had some jingle in her pocket?

Not even my iPhone directions announcement deterred her from song!

Obviously, she was not happy with her current partner, and now she wishes that she was single, and had some money to do the things that she wanted to do. I didn't pursue this with any further questioning, mostly because I didn't want her asking me for money, and really it was none of my business anyway. What two consenting adults want to do is clearly up to them.

Still, I drove in silence. Now I was hoping that she would ask me to stop and let her out. This was just weird and getting nothing but weirder. But on I drove.

Then she began to sing about some dog in the window that she wanted to buy, that she was hoping was on sale.

Look lady, I really don't care if you're in the market for a dog or not. You look more like a cat lady to me but whatever floats your boat I guess.

Regardless, all the singing was distracting my perfect driving. I feared out of my nervousness I might veer off the road somehow, and get us both into an accident.

At that point, I had enough. I stopped the car, opened the door, and I ordered the lady out of my car.

She never blinked an eye. She never even looked at me. She just kept singing, got out of the door, and stuck her thumb out again. I'm not sure what happened to that poor old lady after that, I just knew that she was no longer my problem. And on I drove, finally, in peace and quiet.

(Just kidding mom! 🤪)